Mom

One aspect I struggled with was being called mom finally after all these years. It’s amazing to hear and in one day our sweet girl will call me multiple versions of “mom”. Mama, mommy, mom.
I have to pinch myself some days. Our girl just turned two and is wonderful she can count to 10, and knows quite a few letters. She is sweet and kind and demanding. All things that two entails.  Being mom is wonderful.

With all that said, I don’t discredit where she came from. I urge those who adopt to respect her birth family. Some situations may make that difficult, but their choices led that child to you. Don’t let anyone make you feel like less of a mom because you adopted. There will be plenty of those feelings inside you,  but remind yourself of what you mean to this child. You are their smuggler, their playmate, disciplinarian, guide in all this Christian, You are where they land on a bad day. Just as any child does, they save the big emotions for you. Embrace the chaos.

So, find your balance. It takes a while. You may feel acutely aware of the birthparent’s loss. It’s hard not to internalize that especially if you had prior losses someway yourself.  Respect it, but in the end you are no less a parent than the woman next door who spent 9 months pregnant. Adoption will make you appreciate your child so much more. I promise. It doesn’t make the job any easier.

Love your babies. Thank God every day for them and be an amazing Christian example for them to follow!

Announcement

I'm sitting on my couch at 11:30 pm feeling my 3 week old daughter.  Let me rewind 3 weeks exactly.
On Wed the 4th our birth mother had her membranes stripped. She was told if that didn't works she would be induced on Friday. She really didn't want to be induced. Looking back, I can't blame her. Her pregnancy was pretty non eventful short of a Kidney infection. So, I was hoping the membrane thing worked. My husband and I left Houston at noon on Thursday the 5th.  She had been having contractions but nothing more than normal. We were about an hour away from Austin when she texted that her water had broken,  and not too much later had some pretty brutal contractions. She went from 15 minutes apart to 3-5 min apart in no time. Long story short, we arrived at the hospital before her. She had to go to her doc to make sure she was in labor. She was 5cm dialated.!!! So, she immediately asked for an epidural. She also got a very large room. In the meantime her family started showing up. What could have been very uncomfortable was not. We were in and out of her room.At 7 cm she got an infection and was feeling awful. She also just wanted to be alone,so as part of her birth plan we all left. I went to the cafeteria with our mutual friend and we colored for about 45 minutes to focus on something else. I knew they had given our birth mom pitocin,but didn't realize just how fast it worked. My mother in law came running in the cafeteria sayin ,"She's pushing!!" In a blur we ran upstairs and only the people she had asked were in there. I squeezed her hand and encouraged her, as we all did. 20 min later at 11:17pm our 6 pound 14 ounce daughter was born!!! It was amazing!!! The weekend didn't end there. Remember we had 48 hours. That's for the next post.

Update

Oh, the miles and miles of this great state!!! We went to biomom's 37 week appointment. She was 2cm dialated,90% effaced and very low. That was a week ago today. We are hoping this week there will be even more progress. Her doctors who have been amazing don't predict this go past 39 weeks. That's the latest!! I'll keep this updated as we go. It's amazing to think after 13 years we could be parents very, very soon!!!  What an amazing gift!!

What no one told me about adoption

If you read my blog, you know I am adopted .  This is a wonderful thing
for my future baby.  I can relate to her on that aspect. I'm the SOON to be adoptive mom now and it's different.

1) This is stressful guys!!!
Like whoa!!' Home study done. Nursery Done. Waiting for baby to be born done.
I am normally a realist, but I know full well birth mama can change her mind.
I am not in any way prepared for that. How could I be?? Other than the fact that
I know it could occur does not make it any easier.  I don't think anyone could be trained to
have that happen. You just have to keep faith.

2) You can't use Short Term Disability for leave
Yup!!! America sucks when it comes to paid leave. We are behind Afghanistan. Chew on that for a
bit.  One redeaming this is STD for mom's who give birth. Well, adoptions don't qualify. So, if you don't have a lot of banked sick days or vacation days(teaching gets zero paid vacation) then, well you better start saving. Get with the rest of the world America!! Paid leave is bonding time with your
baby/child. It's a need. Off my soapbox.

3) It's scary!!
This is unknown territory for us.  I pray we are doing everything correctly. I'm trying to dot my "I's" and crosss my "Ts". I don't want anything to bite our butts at the 11th hour.

I'm the end you need faith!!! SO much!' You got this!!!  

P

Final Homestudy

Our homestudy is FINAL!!!
Wahooo!!!

I had someone ask me when the baby is home with us, is it all over?  No,  it is not.  At least the process isn't over.  We will have more home visits to make sure all is going well until finalization.
They commented on how that isn't fair.  How drug addicted women bring home babies and have keep having more and more babies. They then asked if I was bitter about such scrutiny. Good point. What is true is that I had quick seconds of bitterness as I was filling out forms and faxing them in to the caseworker.  They faded quickly. I just kept filling out forms.   I have simply waited too long for this to let the bitterness eat me alive.  The facts are what they are.  I can't change them. There are some cold hard truths.

1) I can not physically give birth to a child
2) a woman has chosen us to parent this precious gift
3)  I GET TO BE A MOM!!! We get to be parents

Women would die to be in my shoes.  I know it. I am fully aware of that fact. I chose not to be bitter. It was a concious choice.

I pray daily I remain this way.

It's never "just adopt."

In adoption there is loss. I acknowledge that fact. There is also soooo much love. We care for our birth mother,and she is like family now.  I am practically giddy with how many people will love our baby.  It's wonderful.  This has not been easy by any means. I am juggling work, adoption and figuring out maternity leave!! Whew!!!! I guess I am adjusting to being a mama.  Keep praying for all!!

Guilt #mircroblogmondays

One surprising emotion I have come across is guilt.  One day this past week it was overwhelming until I finally shared with our biomom how I felt.  She eased my feelings quite a bit. She chose us(I STILL can't wrap my head around that) because she feels we would be the best for her child.  My guilt comes from my own pain due to infertility. I understand loss, and it hurts that someone has to endure a loss in this process.  One more reason I am a pro open adoption supporter. She will have access to our social media, we text and will be meeting throughout the year.  I pray this will help ease her pain and make her more confident in her choice.